Riplee Land

This is a song by Anberlin…this part of the lyrics is comforting me atm because I know this is how me and Jesus roll! Thankfully I’ve got my Jesus through it all, eh?! I’ve still got something on the brain, but God keeps putting comforting thoughts in my head about it, reassuring it…I think I need to give him some props lol. He’s way too good to me & continues to hold me even though I don’t deserve it <3 [It's really time to fix things wit Him, isn't it?..I believe yeah.]

…we could last forever
And I’m not doin’ this alone.

When memories fade, we’ve got each other
When time and confusion collide
singing, “I hold it all when I hold you.”
When friends walk other ways, we’ve got each other
I hold it all when I hold, I hold it all when I hold…

Time & Confusion by Anberlin

…Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl that’s smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
He knew each tear before it came
Soon He will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by

Sorrow last through this night
I’ll take this piece of You
And hope for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As You flew right through me…
Sorrow by Flyleaf

I’m dealing with some weird things in my head right now…well, it’s in my heart too. The longer I sit here and think about all the things swirling in my head the crazier it becomes…because I’m texting someone right now that I’m learning a lot about right now. I’m thinking about one sided relationships…not that I believe I have any. I’ve just heard twice now in the last couple years from 2 different people how appreciative they are to have a friend that doesn’t make the relationship one-sided…I don’t even understand how anyone could do that honestly. For example, my best friends (there’s 3 of them), well…I’d do anything for those 3 girls. I’ve been through a lot of “best friendships” and I know that people come and go and they say they’ll always be there, and I’ve learned the difference between those that mean it and those that don’t. I’ve been through at least probably 11 people who said they were my best friends and we’d be bffs forever. Those people didn’t last at all. After moving away or after high school…or w/e the circumstance, they *poof* weren’t in my life anymore..we all changed and went on to meet and befriend new and different types of people. I’ve also discovered that God gives me people that I would never ever suspect to be those that become the closest to me. When I first met Alyssa, Brooke, and Sarah throughout high school (middle school for Sarah lol), I would have sworn to you that I would probably not go beyond an acquaintanceship…and now I’m absolutely crazy about them lol. And Jon…wow. I never thought I’d be dating him. I saw him around church sometimes, but I didn’t know anything about him. We never talked and I think we barely realized that we were actually pretty close in age. I had no idea how old he was lol. Now look at me…I can’t go a day without talking to him and I’ve only been dating him for about 2 months as of next Wednesday (26th). Wow. God never ceases to amaze me with these sorts of things…let alone himself. I’m really not where I want to be with Him right now. Our relationship could be so much better…I’m reading Revelation right now and I’m really happy that I’ve started to read it..but I still never pray and how can a relationship grow if there’s not talking/conversations/feelings? It’s not possible! I can’t get to know Him if I’m not listening to what He has to tell me lol….

I really appreciate the people in my life though. I have to call out my parents, my sister, my 3 best friends, and Jonathan. They make me a really really happy girl these days…if I lost one of them in any way, I don’t think I’d function too well for quite a well. I cannot wait to see Alyssa next month!!! I miss her so! I also have to admit that I really miss Brooke too. I just saw her this past weekend…but every time I see her like that and leave her again, I miss her more. She’s really like a 1/3 of me (1/3 me [myself includes the love I hold for others lol :p], 1/3 my sister, and 1/3 Brooke…I mean it’s a little more complex that that though lol…) But yeah…it’s quite depressing how much I can miss Brooke. If my sister goes away to college next fall I’m gonna feel the same exact way as I do about Brooke right now….I don’t want my sister to go away I’d prefer if Brooke was always here with me or me there with her all the time too…but I can’t have it that way lol………anywho (that is such a Sarah thing to say lol). There’s so much more flowing through my brain…some of it is actually thoughtful…I tend to dwell on things like friendship and God on blogs because when I blog I finally have time to think about these things

I’m discovering that no matter how “whole” people make me, I’m still not whole without Jesus. Feeling Him…well it’s just like the Flyleaf lyrics I posted up there. There is nothing better than being touched by Jesus…He’s the only person that ever makes me feel 100% and the only person who never angers/frustrates/confuses me…It’s hard to explain just how good it feels…it’s just the best thing ever. End of story.

I’m sleepy…so I think Imma get off for the night <3
R/Z

All I want to say is that when something is troubling me, it is nice to talk about it to people and get their opinions, but the only two people who ever actually help me through things WELL is God and my mom. I’m still feeling weird about the situation, but my mom put it into perspective for me. I realized that if I put myself in the person’s shoes, I would have done the same thing. I don’t know if it would be for the same motive, but I would’ve done the same thing and if they asked me what I asked this person, I would’ve responded the same. Isn’t it interesting how such a common saying, “Try walking a mile in their shoes,” can actually do for one’s insights!

I was observing something common among people today.
& Something happened last night that I’m reflecting on (nothing horrible or anything lol, I just found it interesting and I was a little confused by it…) But, I’m not publicly blogging about it.

This made me wonder about something that’s slightly sketchy though haha…possibly…is it weird to want or be comfortable with holding your best friends hand or laying your head on them or something like that? I sometimes think that I’d be fine with walking down the street holding one of my best friends’ hands or whatever, but I wonder how uncomfortable (or not) it would make them? lol…I mean it’s not I’d be actually holding it for any reason other than I love em as my best friends, ya know? I mean…sheesh. I know Sarah wouldn’t mind lol. I’ve more or less snuggled with her jokingly haha. I also don’t think the other 2 would mind…but I’m cautious about that because I don’t want them feeling awkward (well, more awkward than I already make em ;pp!) hehe.

Anyway…just a pretty quick thought about what I was observing today. Music as a way to express feelings. When I’m peeved I turn on my screamo or post-hardcore music really loud. When I’m in a really good mood, I turn on the techno and the dance music and it makes me even happier! When I’m feeling chill, I love the Postal Service or Joe Purdy….on the list could go. It’s fascinating how one doesn’t have to tell another person how they’re feeling when there’s music on. Music can give away so much about feelings. Some places in the world, like a Bedouin society we’re talking about in my Anthro class, aren’t supposed to talk about their feelings to others, so they sing songs that don’t flat out say what they want to say, but the metaphors or the stories do. We in the US often don’t enjoy discussing our feelings either (which is something I do more of all the time…I guess I’m a weirdo :p). So, what we do is take cues from the environment, like music and knowledge of that person and we can just know what they’re feeling. My sister knew that anytime I would listen to Chevelle last year during the school year, I was feeling down in the dumps for some reason (usually the same reason lol, but that I will not talk about haha…) I just find people and their habits/mannerisms/behaviors terribly fascinating lol.

I’m off now! Hope you have/had a good evening!
Yay for snow flurries today!!!!!!
R/Z

My Savior by Krystal Meyers
My Savior by Krystal Meyers
I feel guilty sometimes when I pray
Stealing time from needs that are great
Still you listen to every word I say
And I want to thank you

My Savior
I’m laying it at your feet
Your love, it consumes me
My Savior
You’ve given me all I need
Your grace and your mercy

All Around Me by Flyleaf
All Around Me by Flyleaf
My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healed

(Title of this blog is an inside joke that came from this weekend haha)

Anyway…this weekend was fabulous. I got to hang out with Sarah on Friday. We had a late lunch at Arby’s (which is definitely my fav. fast food place ever) and then we came back to my place and watched Run Fat Boy Run (hilarious btw) and some old school cartoons (Fern Gully and We’re Back!! Fern Gully is one of the best ever lol). I left for Rehoboth Beach, in DE, at 8:30 on Saturday morning with Jon and we got there a little before noon I believe. We walked part of the boardwalk, then walked down the main street, had seafood for lunch, and then we went and got a blanket and went and sat down next to the water. We sat there and talked and went to look for shells and Jon picked me up and pretended he was gonna throw me in that freezing water (jerk :p). I had a lot of fun with him on the beach!! We then packed it up and drove an hour and a half to the University of Delaware and had dinner with my bestest best friend! She approved of him which he was worried about lol. I told him not to worry! Then Brooke and I went back to her dorm and Jon went to his hotel. The next morning was nice too because Brooke and I got to spend some time taking pictures and talking…how I love that girl! <3 We (Jon & I) got back to his place, which is where my car was, about 3 in the afternoon on Sunday and I came home and goofed off the rest of the evening lol. Overall I'm really quite pleased with that trip! I had so much fun and I really enjoyed the time I spent with Jon and Brooke...I'm glad that Jon and I handled a fairly long time together really well. I'd say that's a good sign haha....le sigh. I really like my boy Anyway…despite the cold I had all weekend (and still have lol) it was great! Yay

Now moving on! I was thinking about people today. I was noticing the way people act and what they were wearing and the affect of those 2 things on the way they were looked at/perceived by others. I wore dark straight-legged jeans that were rolled up (they’re too long haha), teal chucks with skull shoe laces, and a big black band jacket (band is Stryper…not that any of you probably even know who they are :p). I wasn’t getting “weird” looks or anything, but I noticed that people seemed to either not look at me or look at what I was wearing as though something was wrong with it or either they liked it a lot lol (sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference btwn those two :p) I noticed that girls with skinny jeans and coats on were more likely to be looked at then girls in sweats…I know that when I wear my coat and my skinny jeans I do get more looks. I mean…I find interesting how I can wear one thing one day and get different looks that if I wear something different on another day. And also…I was noticing how different people carry themselves differently. I mostly noticed girls’ ways of carrying themselves…and the reason I mainly noticed girls is because seriously…there aren’t all that many guys on campus in comparison to girls lol. I noticed that the ones who walked more “feminine” were looked at more by people. I find it interesting how a person can carry themselves with more confidence than others and it affects how others view that person. People really fascinate me…good thing I’m a Psych major! I love behavior…it’s really interesting!

Anyway…I’m done for now haha. I’m about to go watch the Notebook for the first time haha. I’m probably gonna cry :p
Hopefully all is well with all y’all!
Peace out!
R/Z

Lol…that title makes me giggle. BUT it more or less describes partially how I’m feeling tonight. I had what seemed a fairly normal day today while on campus and what not…except that walking around in the cold rain kind of sucked haha. When I came home I checked to see how I did on my Sociology exam because I was worried…I really needed a good solid B on this one to make up for the stupid C I got on the last one…and when I looked, lo and behold, a B!!!!!!!! I was thrilled. I had prayed about it. I had prayed with my mom. My sister, two of my cousins, and a friend told me they were praying for it. One of my best friends wished me luck this morning before I took it…GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYER!!!! He totally deserves all the glory for that one; I could NOT have done it without Him!! Ahh! I’m thrilled. I’m not enjoying this Soc class all that much and I find that when I don’t really enjoy a class I don’t do as well as I’d like to grade wise…so I’ll accept a B in the class if that’s what it comes down to haha :p Other than that I got on my tutoring company’s site to check my mail and to submit a lesson (which reminds me, I finally got my first client and tutored him for the first time yesterday!! It went quite well, so I was happy about that!) when I saw that I had a new inbox on there. I had another person inquiring about a tutor. So, I may have yet another client…and I could really use to be saving up some $$. So, yet again I have to say that God is amazing for at least one client, and if I get two…DANG!! That’d be saweet! lol…well, anyway…

I find myself liking my boyfriend more and more all the time. I can’t help but look forward to his texts every day and every weekend when I finally get to see him I’m uber happy Speaking of weekends, I’m heading to Rehoboth Beach in DE this weekend with my boy!! It’s gonna be tons o fun…and then after spending most of the day at the beach, we’re going to UDel and I’m seeing my best friend in the whole world and I’m spending the night with her!!!! I’m super excited! I come back at some point on Sunday…It’s gonna be an awesome weekend spent with Jon and Brooke I can’t wait! I’m also excited to hang out with my best buddy Sarah tomorrow afternoon after my classes end! That’ll be fun as always

One last quick thing. The last blog I posted…it was written to be as confusing as it probably is. I was extremely vague but hopefully very complex and seemingly artsy/thoughtful lol. If you didn’t get most/any of it, don’t worry…it was intended to be a creative outlet for my feelings

Hope all is well with each and everyone of you!
Who’s excited for CSI: tonight?!?! ME!!!!!!!!
Peace out with love,
R/Z

Amazed at how things change so fast, so easily. Things get all jumbled about and leave me wondering why my life is taking the turns that it’s taking. Feelings confuse me so often. Feelings I never thought I would feel. People I never thought I would be feeling them for. Desperate to know why I’m battling with who is really there. Knowing it’s the one, but wondering if it’s the other. It can’t be the other because that would be a betrayal most foul when one promises something. It’s not one, but time spent with another causes one to dwell on such things. Though it’s not a misfortune either way. The confusion is the misfortune I fear. Will it ever end? Will I ever fully have a grasp on this?….I know what to do, but I don’t do it. I’m so close to a breakthrough that it pains me to know I haven’t quite broken through the surface. I feel the day is coming when I’ll finally make that tear and ride under the wings of the one who is and who was. I fear that I won’t though. It’s as though I am feeling exactly what Paul himself described. Knowledge that isn’t acted upon…what a shame, I know. There are many a night when I lie awake desperately searching and realizing that it’s all my fault. My heart is bleeding for more and yet my mind continues to superficially heal the parts that are bleeding. Am I falling? I can’t tell anymore….Why did destiny, meaning God, place you in my life? It feels like I’ve known you all my life and that you’ve become someone that I find myself missing more and more every time you temporarily part from me. Separation has taken an ugly toll in the past when I was missing you; now I just feel like a chunk of my heart has been taken to another place. It’s never replaced for long enough because you’re never here with me enough. I can’t understand these feelings I have for you because they put you a lot closer than almost anyone I’ve ever known. What is the future to hold? We can’t always be together. In a way we’ll grow old together, but yet we’ll miss key moments of each others lives. Unless we be too busy, this will happen. I’m frustrated with being so busy; so busy that I miss out on things that I should have felt or done….I watch the leaves fall down slowly through the air sometimes and I sit and I watch how the birds fly together in almost unison to another perch and I watch the squirrels chase each other in pure bliss. I watch humans; grumbling, laughing, smiling, crying, confused, busy humans. Nature has a grace that is hard to ignore. It’s beautiful in the way that every thing changes, every thing has a purpose (even when I myself don’t know what the purposes of some things my in fact be). I believe in slowing the world down in my head from time to time and really seeing things how we’re supposed to see them: for what they really are. We all get so busy that we take all the little things for granted and in doing so we miss out on the beauty that is always around us. Nature is graceful and patient and so full of beauty….everything is perceived in the eye of the beholder. Everything can be biased. Imperfection is the thing that holds us back from what we should be seeing or feeling or understanding, but imperfection is also what leads us to the best thing of all: a love like no other; a love of a Savior….

….That’s what I had come from my head…if some or none of it makes no sense, then maybe I have more to give to you. Wait and watch.

While listening to techno, drinking sweet tea, and on AIM I’m thinking about the same thing that I’m always thinking about lol. Well…it at least feels like I’m constantly thinking about these two particular relationships…but w/e, the people I’m thinking about it are worth my thoughts ;p

So I’m curious about the whole distance and relationships thing. Does it work differently between men and women? I mean, I’ve never really had a good guy friend since I’ve been old enough to date or develop friends that would be for life…so I don’t know what it’s like in that respect. I know that my 2 of my best friends from high school don’t go to scchool anywhere near me and so we’re always facebooking and iming etc…sending pictures that say things that basically say that through the distance we will grow stronger. I’d have to agree with this too IN A WAY. I mean, when they’re gone it’s like a test of how much we really love and miss each other. If we had stopped talking I would probably come to the conclusion that we weren’t actually best friends. From my past experiences with girls who told me they were my best friends and then one of us moving…if you do’t talk, it’s hard to come back together and still be that good of friends. I’m friends on facebook with some of those girls, but I have no idea what they’re like these days. If they started talking to me that wouldn’t bother me, but I don’t see anything growing between me and them, ya know? Anyway my point is that through distance me and these 2 lovely ladies are able to keep in touch and when they come home, we see each other and hang out! That tells me a lot right there. The thing is though, I’ve also learned that even though distance is inevitable and that I can still be best friends with them through the distance, I’m much more content when they’re home (although I’m like uber content with things right now because my other best friend from HS is hanging out with me and talking to me on a really really regular basis and then I’ve got my boyfriend who texts me every day lol and my family (without who I couldn’t survive!!) When the other 2 are home and I spend time with them, that’s when I know I’m getting closer to them…when our relationships are growing. Spending time with people and talking to them is how you get closer to them; it’s not because of the distance. Definitely not.

Pues (well), anyway I’m distracted by facebook atm and I’ve gotta get going to Noodles and Company anyway in a couple mins! So, peace out for now! =)

R/Z

The Hypno by Floorfilla

My Love Goes Free by Jon Foreman

The Movement comes in slow
It’s a tune we both should know
But the walls are thin
So we keep our voices low

You’re a bird with a pretty mouth
You’re a bird with songs to shout
And the same refrain continues
Singing out
If you love her let her go
She sings beautiful and slow
A tune that only caged birds know

So you’re in Nashville on the phone
And I’m back here at home
And the words are new
But I recognize the tone

If you love her let her go
She’s beautifully composed
A tune that only caged birds know

My love goes free…
My love goes free…
My love goes free…